Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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