me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
