scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Someone signed my nipple.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
