I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
