Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Randomize
