I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Even my vagina gasped.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
