Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
pop tarts are not kleenex
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Randomize
