We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
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