3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
