I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
