he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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