I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
