Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I am spending my child support on dildos
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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