mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
YAS. BRING CRAB.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
