You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
