What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
