Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
