as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
