I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
i think i scared a bird with my dick
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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