Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
love makes seman taste better
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize