Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
