Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
