"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
