Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
