i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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