dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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