If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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