I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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