and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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