Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
