You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
