You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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