I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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