i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Pants are for mortals
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
