and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
My vagina just recognized that song.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
