My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
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