every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
