so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
