Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
