i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I queefed so loud it echoed.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
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