I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize