why do cheetos always look like penises
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
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