I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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