I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
