It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
She's the barista slut.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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