I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Randomize
