so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
