just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I can't put those talents on a resume
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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