He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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