it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
