He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
