I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I believe in your delicious
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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