Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Randomize
