I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
