Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize