birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
