How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Randomize
