Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
