I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize