girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I cut my penus on the lid.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Randomize
