I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
