How'd it feel making her break her religion?
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
