Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
