Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
